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| a measure of depth rather than breadth |
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| 75 atlanta statistics - 6/29 - 7/2* | ||
| July 02, 2004 10:25 PM |
| # of socks i folded before leaving | 46 |
| # of times i drove by giant light-up cone-shaped dairy queen signs | 6 |
| # of times i thought about finally stealing one and mailing it to finn | 347 |
| # of times i visited the suburban lodge | 0 |
| # of times i got in the turn lane to do so | 3 |
| # of taggart's driving school trainees i got stuck behind | 2 |
| # of said trainees i would ban from being licensed drivers | 2 |
| # of miles clocked in atlanta | 192 |
| # of bowls of beer/cheese soup consumed | 1 |
| # of times i got turned around and had to find a highway | 4 |
| # of ulrich schnauss albums i had to make driving enjoyable | 2 |
| # of times my directional mishaps caused me stress | 0 |
| # of cats i petted | 2 |
| # that curled up on me | 1 |
| # of minutes i saw my dad | 2 |
| # of times my mother said she felt i was, in general, incredibly confident | 1 |
| # of times i laughed incredulously at my mother | 1 |
| # of times the next day she said i was "getting tubby" |
2 |
| # of visits other than this one, to date, that my mother managed to instill me with self-confidence | 0 |
| # of things she told me that i did not know | 1 |
| # of times she dumped my dad before they got married | 1 |
| # of laundry-room vending machine pepsis consumed | 3 |
| # of shaving mishaps that could have been avoided with a shower mirror | 5 |
| # of people who asked if i'd cut my hair | 2 |
| # of awful pick-up-line jokes that i revealed had occured to me despite my better judgment | 1 |
| # of times i meant them | 1 |
| # of crawfish that people around me randomly caught in a nearby creek | 4 |
| # of people who told me they bought a life-size stuffed ewok | 1 |
| # of times i got my ass whupped at scrabble | 1 |
| # of times my play of "large" was mutated for enormous point gain | 2 |
| # of triple word scores i got | 0 |
| # of latin words i used | 1 |
| # of wAl*marts visited in an attempt to craft a home-made scrabble set | 2 |
| # of said visits that occured after 1am | 2 |
| # of seconds of seeing her before my mother began listing technology-related problems she's having | 7 |
| # of computers in athens i controlled remotely | 3 |
| # of people who think that is as cool as i do | 0 |
| # of cell phone minutes used | 35 |
| # of people who felt a box fan was something people might normally keep in their car trunk | 1 |
| # of box fans i had in my trunk | 1 |
| # of times i said "oh, fuckberries" | 2 |
| # of times I ignored spruce st's one way sign | 9 |
| # of signs i saw advocating someone named rambo for sherrif | 1 |
| # of times i explained basic computer concepts and major facts about my life to my mother | 7 |
| # of said things that i explained last time i visited | 7 |
| # of times you must do something and expect a different result before meeting aa's definition for insanity | 3 |
| # of emergency vehicles i stopped for | 5 |
| # of harry potter references my mother made | 17 |
| # of times i snapped at her because i'd had enough | 1 |
| # of times that was harry-potter-related | 0 |
| # of injuries i caused with my teeth | 1 |
| # of people who said, verbatim, and independent of one another, "hey, wassup, man" to me at wal*mart | 4 |
| # of ringleaders in what i now call "the dreaded wassup cult" | 4 |
| # of people on la vista rd who probably think i was riding with a drunk woman | 2 |
| # of normal and orderly stops made by said sober woman on la vista rd during that time | 0 |
| # of people on la vista rd who can bite me | 2 |
| # of times i've had that much fun on la vista rd | 0 |
| # of guys i saw wearing gold boots with purple laces | 1 |
| # of times that guy could have kicked my ass with his eyes closed | 9,293 |
| # of words In ewok-girl's starbucks order i was able to successfully translate into english | 0 |
| # of ways "tall" lacks an intuitive lexicographical connection to "small" | 492,299 |
| # of hours spent outside a starbucks w/ ewok-girl | 2 |
| # of starbucks beverages consumed | 0 |
| # of cooperative crosswords done | 2 |
| # of naps taken | 3 |
| # of alarms ignored | 5 |
| # of fights had | 0 |
| # of disneyland flashbacks had | 2 |
| # of tears, my own included, wiped away | 3 |
| # of clairvoyant pit-of-stomach impending-doom feelings i had | 1 |
| # of people i love who had car accidents | 1 |
| # of bizarrely guilty heart palpitations | 2 |
| # of days spent total | 4 |
| # of days my supposed best friend is going to be in savannah | 5 |
| # of snarky comments she left me about the duration of my visit in atlanta while i was away | 1 |
[because the numbers tell a story]
* this idea was blatantly stolen from zefrank, who does it much much much much much much much better
Comments:
I'll whoop your pitoot at scrabble, boy! |
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# of giant light-up cone-shaped dairy queen signs sent to Finn . . . . . 0 But, it is the thought that counts. |
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The "tall" drink at Starbucks was named by some short loser guy with a small penis. He thought "Hey, I can make myself feel better and confuse the hell outta the public while doing so." Monkeys, cheese, and keylime pie. I hate Starbucks. |
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 All these musings are protected under the warm umbrella of a Creative Commons License. |